


"and to me, the purpose of life is to love.."

by dontstraytoofar



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Hurt, because erin is sad, i volunteer, really this is a character study of Erin, someone hug her pls, with Holtz being there for her and supporting her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 05:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7562329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontstraytoofar/pseuds/dontstraytoofar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“.....and to love is what you have shown me”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Post Holtzmann’s little (big) speech at the bar, the words hit Erin a little too close to home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"and to me, the purpose of life is to love.."

**Author's Note:**

> I really, really really wanted to head canon a little more background with Erin, how she deals with finding a new home, and her realisations about Holtzmann and their messed up, perfect, ghost kicking family. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine. Enjoy!

 

Erin doesn’t realise it’s raining outside until she greedily breathes in the crisp air and nearly chokes on rain drops. 

_ This  _ life? The people surrounding the table she sat at moments ago? The love, the warmth, the  _ laughter.  _ She breathes in again, anxiety and panic crawling up her spine because this type of love she never knew she could have. Never knew she’d experience again. She abandoned the thought years ago, she left it sitting at a bus stop while she clutched a ticket to New York with seven missed calls from her mother.

Five from her therapist.

None from her father.

_ Ghost are real. You’re not crazy. Ghosts are real, ghosts are real, ghosts are real. _

The street light flickering above her flashes the old womans ghostly face in her mind, and she remembers screwing her eyes shut to will the tears to stop. The neon light from the cafe across the road blinked off, and Erin held to the fabric of her shirt, twisting it and taking deep breaths because she was alone. Cold. And no one else  _ cared. _

She was 18.

The vibration of her phone startles her, and  _ Abby Yates  _ flashes across the screen. It’s enough to break her heart all over again.

_  "Uh Erin? I haven’t seen you all day. Give me a ring when you get this! I totally just finished the last chapter on our book, some guy on this blog wants to fund it!"  _ There is a brief pause, and Erin laughs wetly, wiping under her eyes as she hears Abby mutter “shoot” as she trips over day old pizza boxes.

_  "Woops! Anyways killer call me back. This book is gonna change the world!" _

Erin left an hour later, the bus pulling up with a screech. And three years down the track she sees their baby on a rack in a bookstore and she holds tighter to her tenure notes, ignoring how her heart constricts and her breathing stops.

She left any semblance of love at a dingy bus stop and a late night phone call with her best friend.

But here she is, soaked to the bone, outside a niche little bar with three women inside who  _ love  _ her.

And with one who says words like that, reminding Erin how  _ shitty  _ she was.

 “Hey, you okay?”

Erin startles, turning around and wiping her cheeks hurriedly, sniffing as the cold air burns her lungs. It’s Holtz, arms folded from the chill as rain soaks her cowboy styled shirt and Erin’s insides warm at her presence.

 “Oh! Hey. Uh, sorry I-I’m just. Getting air. Bars are pretty stuffy don’t ya think?” And Erin is her awkward self, finger gunning and wincing at her cover up because tears are still staining her cheeks and Holtz just frowns worriedly, wiping her glasses as rain collects on the surface.

 “Well, usually I’m the weird one, but I’m up for a switch in roles”

And Erin watches how Holtz shivers, still standing in the rain with her because five minutes earlier Erin froze and panicked and jumped so fast out of her seat after Holtz’ speech that it left skid marks.

Erin holds her elbows, her shoes filled with water. “Aren’t you cold? You didn’t.. have to come out for me”

Holtz frowns, like the sentence doesn’t make any sense. “Of course I did.” She shrugs, shaking her head like a wet dog as her hair gets drenched.

 “Like I said Gilbert, I love you, so rain shower it is!” And she spreads her arms and grins, dimples and all, her shirt soaked and hair limp. She then brings her arms in quickly and rests her hand on her chin, thinking deeply.

 “Not as good as a real one, but hey, I’ve been showered in sparks before.” She points to a mute Erin. “Don’t ask”

Erin freezes, and “ _ I love you, so rain shower it is!”  _ repeats like a mantra in her mind and she can’t speak or breathe or  _ oh my god I’m going to faint. _

 “Woah, woah. Erin?” She feels Holtz hands on her shoulders, steadying her and making her finally release her drawn in breath. “You’re about to faint. Faintings totally for dudes. Or Kevin”

Erin holds her palm to her stomach, and shakes her head closing her eyes. “Sorry. I-I just..”

And Holtzmann stands there, patient as her hands squeeze softly and Erin opens her eyes because Holtz  _ loves  _ her. Patty loves her. Abby loves her. But why is it Holtz uttering those words make her panic, fear gripping her lungs? She feels the other woman’s hands rest steadily upon her, Holtz’ thumb touching so softly at her collarbone. And she’s forced to realise it ‘scares’ her because when Holtz says it, it feels like home.

And when the woman opposite says it, it’s said differently. It  _ means  _ something else. Erin loves Abby as her sister, midnight talks, telling ghost stories and sharing one half of the others mind and heart. She loves Patty like a kindred spirit, where Erin is softer and quieter, Patty is present, strong, protective and warm.

But Holtzmann?

 “Hey uh, I’d love to keep staring lovingly into each others eyes but I can’t feel my hands so”

Erin laughs, and Holtz’s grin at pulling a smile from the other woman is the brightest thing Erin has ever seen.

 “Right. Sorry”

 “You gotta stop apologizing”

 “Oh, sorry-wait I mean-”

She feels Holtz’ finger press to her lips, grinning as Erin widens her eyes. “Relax. We’re just two gals who share five centimetres of breathing space and stand in torrential rain!  _ Totally  _ normal”

Erin’s shoulders lose their tension, and she promptly sighs as she mumbles around Holtzmann’s finger still pressed to her lips. “Ifw this ifs weirdsh just swya so bwut…”

Holtz grins, and leans in teasingly. “Uh, might wanna repeat that one there Miss Silent Sam”

Erin rolls her eyes and smacks Holtz’ hand away, coming to a still as she folds her arms nervously because she was  _ this  _ close to saying something stupid. Even though yes, she’s currently drenched with makeup under her eyes and her cheap three dollar hair dye is running so, really, nothing could get worse.

 “Can we...can we just go inside?”

Holtz grins, hooking their arms together as she turns their bodies. Her chin is dripping with water, and her glasses are now fogged up from rain and the heat of their bodies. “Sure thing mam! Except I have  _ no _ idea where we’re going”

Erin smiles warmly, rubbing with her wet sleeve across Holtzmann’s glasses, laughing lightly at the woman next to her. “You’re so weird”

Holtz stops walking, grins, and bows to Erin in grandeur. “At your service kind sir” and when she comes back up, she goes slightly on her tippy toes, kissing Erin on the cheek just beside her lips. And opens the door to the bar so casually, leaving Erin standing under the awning touching the spot where Holtz’ lips settled. The other woman stops in the doorway, looking back to Erin with her megawatt grin.

 “You coming?

And Erin’s heart fills to the brim, she forgets about being alone at a bus stop and the anxiety crawling her skin dissipates; because really? With Holtz, with Abby and Patty she won’t  _ ever  _ feel it again. And Holtz is the glue, so to speak, (Erin’s never been good at metaphors and cheesy sayings)

But Holtzmann is the thing that sticks Erin’s sanity together and reminds her that no, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry. No one is going to leave. You’re not alone. People love you. You have a home.  

Ghosts are real.

She smiles, and watches how the light of the bar catches Holtz’ eyes and makes them glow. How Holtz grins to her like she is the sun, like she’s the centre of her being. Erin shakes her head, hiding her smile.

 “Yeah..yeah. I’m coming. For sure” 

When they sit down again Erin acts as if the garfield red isn’t staining her shirt, Holtz’ hand rests on her thigh for the rest of the night, and Abby looks to her weirdly with a “Damn. You’re a mess Gilbert.” and Patty following it with a “You both take a dump in the sewers? White people, sheesh”

And yeah, Erin thinks, she’s a mess. And she still sucks at metaphors and cheesy sayings.  

But she really wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 


End file.
